What this week will bring

Sunday.... ahhhh.... love Sunday.

I have to go to work tomorrow. It's my last day as a substitute teacher.
I can tell you, it's not been my finest moment. I didn't do well, I didn't handle it well.
I'm happy I don't have to go back after Monday.

I've though so much about this whole experience and yet I can't pin down the real problem. I don't know why I was so unhappy doing this. In theory, it would be a great job. In reality, I didn't have what it takes, whatever that is.

So, now I'm going to be unemployed again. I'm hoping I can get my unemployment back. I have no idea if I can or can't. I'll have to call the Unemployment Office on Monday to find out.

And I'm going to be searching hard for a job. Unfortunately, I don't know how well THAT will work out. A "Facebook Friend" just posted that she has sent out 587 applications and hasn't come up with anything yet. The economy isn't what it should be.

So I'm also looking at alternate ideas for money savings and maybe making money. And it all starts Tuesday.

But one thing is for sure... I'm going to miss being out in the world. If I'm sitting here every day without anyone to talk to, just talking to myself, I'm going to go crazy.

Glaciers are forming

 

This winter has been one for the record books! I read somewhere that it's the most snow we've had in more than 60 years or something. And the custodian across the street said that he heard more snow is coming in for Tuesday.

Seems like I never blog anymore unless we have a snow day.

Seems like we have a snow day every week or so!

Today is the first time this winter that I've helped dig out the cars. It is nice having grown sons, but on the other hand, they are not always around like they were when they were little. I remember when they were little and helped me shovel, I did most of the work for the first few years, and then when they got the hang of it they really took over.

Snow days aren't bad if you don't have to leave the house except to shovel. I don't like them as much when you have somewhere to go, something to do. But today has been pleasant, and I've got the house to myself! :)

I'll be blogging more next week, I'm pretty certain of it. See ya then!

Slush

 

We had a snow day from school today, which was lovely! It wasn't really snowing, but there is already a lot of snow on the ground, and the precipitating was rather icy and slush is covering the streets.
So I've tried to spend the day productively - like I try to spend all my days -- TRY being the operative word. It doesn't always happen that way. I did get my resume finished at least, and I had a lovely lunch with Nick. I've read a bit. And now I'm stalling from doing housework and laundry. And from thinking. So I decided to take a picture of the lovely slush that's allowing me to be home and lazy instead of at work.

I've got some new goals for my next time of unemployment, after the teaching thing is done. First priority is to actively look for a good job. My oldest son thinks that most likely, I'll take the first job I find, and then I won't keep looking for a better one. He thinks I should take the first job, but keep looking. I'm going to try to make the first job I find BE the good one that I want to keep. In the meantime, I plan on cooking more. The cooking substitute job taught me a lot about cooking simple things like bread and stuff from scratch, and I want to do more of that, for economy and for health.

I want to keep painting and reading, and write more. I'm starting to make doll clothes for a gift, and I want to sew more; I'm going to start the quilt I've always wanted to make. (My goal is only making one quilt, I'm not taking it up as a hobby.) I want to exercise more, first thing in the morning (which, for me, will be closer to 8 AM!) I want to be structured and not as lazy as I am today. I want my schedule to be full, and not so full of slush as it is today.

Yay snow days!

We woke up to a few more inches of fresh snow, which is a good thing because I didn't want to go to school today! So I'm cleaning my bedroom, trying to get through the piles of laundry that just keep accumulating. And I'm thinking about how I'm going to enjoy being out of work again.

One of the problems I'll have with not going to work again is putting the weight back on. But I seemed to do well with that over the summer -- but I've seen in the last few weeks that I'm starting to eat too much....

Various thoughts, nothing important

It's hard to put a cohesive thought together to post anything. I've got very disjointed ideas floating around in my head and nothing seems to stick. That's why I haven't written lately.
That and the fact that I feel like I'd like to post a photo with everything, and I haven't got any good photos.

So maybe I'll take a photo of something, some of this mess, so you can see the clutter in my brain.

Every day that goes by is a day closer to the end of substitute teaching. And every day that goes by, I heave a sigh of relief that I got through it again today with no huge problem. And then I worry about what tomorrow will bring. (Like today, one of the girls said to me, "Ms. K, if we get in a fight, don't you step into the middle of it. We like you and don't wanna see you get hurt." What should I be expecting? She was laughing at the time... so I'm hoping it was just a joke... and she jokes about me being nervous quite often... eeeesh...)

I've been cooking with these kids since September. And I have no good ideas left. All of the good ideas I had in the beginning have been done already. Plus, there isn't so much money in the budget to make many meat dishes. So this week, they asked if they could learn how to make cannoli. But I don't know HOW to make cannoli. So I bought the cannoli shells, and I've got a recipe for the filling. But it doesn't sound like a very good idea to me... but I don't have any better ideas... The other projects for the week and next week for my three classes are (probably) eggplant parm; tiramisu; vegetarian chinese dumplings; portuguese chorizo, rice and beans; slovakian cucumbers; spinach artichoke dip; apple pie; dinner rolls with yeast dough; cheese danish; pizza with homemade crust; and mozzarella sticks. And I might spring for chicken for them to make fried chicken for the final meal. But I'm really tired of thinking about food, and I'm going out to dinner tonight. :p

It's supposed to snow again. Shoprite was crazy. Everyone had to get their milk and bread and eggs. I did the food shopping for the class, but not for home. But I think I have enough bread and milk and eggs anyway, at home. There's never enough at school.

Through a glass, darkly

It's a new year and things are changing. Who knows what this year will bring? I'm optimistic, I hope I am right to be.
My first priority is to finish up this teaching job. I have a month to go, and it's still taking up huge chunks of my time and energy. Probably because I'm not good at it.

After that, my next priority is to get the budget figured out. Like I said - I'm optimistic. I'm going to take a fresh look at things and find ways to be more frugal to make up for losing my income.

Then, I've gotta come up with a career plan. I swing back and forth on this one. Am I desperate enough to work in Shop Rite? How about retail? Can I find a real career kind of job? Or maybe I should give writing and art a chance? Or should I stick with the real world? I really change my mind about this every minute. Which is why I need to go over the budget first.

It's gonna be an interesting year. It's interesting that last January, I had no idea that I would be in this position this January. And here I am. So who knows what will happen by next January?

One of my thoughts, though, is that it's gonna be a BIG year. Cross your fingers for me! :D

Messy Me

I'm going to be very industrious today and clean out a lot of the messy areas that get stacked up with papers and laundry and stuff during the rest of the year, when I don't have the extra time or energy to figure them out. I'm GOING to get my room cleaned and my bills paid. I'm going to start next year with a clean house and a clean slate. And then, I hope, I'll work on staying a little neater to start with.

Don't believe me?

Why not?

You don't believe me because I'm sitting here on the computer and procrastinating, is that it?

OK. I'll take the challenge. It's 8:38 right now. I'm going to start working, and check back in at 10 AM. I bet I work really hard for the next hour-plus. And I'll come back and tell you what I've gotten accomplished. Sounds like a plan?

Ready, set, go.

Snow Photos

I take a bunch of photos but they all look wrong. I haven't figured out yet how to exactly capture how beautiful it can be outside at night.

I took these within a few minutes of each other, on different settings.


Neither of them are right, but neither of them are wrong either. I want something in the middle?

The first snow of the year is always welcome. (Maybe not too many snow storms after that!) I am still in my pajamas... it's only 7 PM! No point in getting dressed, is there? I've had such a cozy day, making pots of tea, taking photos, writing, and eating cookies. It might be almost the same tomorrow because this snow is supposed to last until tomorrow night!

ache

I've got some kind of virus, and everything hurts. I've taken the day off and I'm going to do nothing but sit and stare out into space and read and sleep. Well, it's a Saturday, so it isn't too complicated to take the day off. I'm missing a party tonight and all of that work I'm supposed to be doing right now. Not such a big deal.

Well, so much Christmas preparations I should be doing, so maybe it is a big deal... I'm feeling very behind. I've been feeling like I have so much pressure to get everything done but can't. That's the source of another dull ache in my head, I think.

How to Be Alone video...

It's a beautiful poem, I love it.

I want to write more, but time is fleeting. Soon, though, I'll have all the time to myself again, and I'll be back to being alone. See ya then!

I want to paint this.

 

I've started like two paintings recently that I'm in the middle of working on, and now I've got a third in mind, and it's along the lines of this photo... but not really, not even close.

The other paintings? Well, one is a painting about beauty, and how and what people see as beautiful, especially about generational style differences. I'm painting a picture of a girl - no one in particular, in fact, just a girl I've never seen or met before. It's good practice for my goal of getting better at painting and drawing people. And I'm trying to portray a pretty girl. But she's also pierced and tattoo'd, which some people would say looks good, and some people would say looks bad. I like it so far. Of course, like usual, my person isn't coming out overly realistic. It's making me think about signing up for a class in drawing people. Well, I'm thinking about it. That's not saying I'm actually going to follow through with that. Because right now, I'm a little over booked, with the job thing sucking my brain. But - I still might. I might take a night course at the county college. Will I be brave enough? I don't know. I'll feel a little weird in a class of kids. Is that a good enough reason not too? I'm not sure. We'll see.

The second painting is all symbolism and good luck. I read a thing somewhere about it being "good feng shui" to hang a painting of a boat coming in to harbor, so I decided to paint a picture of that to hang in my living room. (Not that I know enough about feng shui to KNOW if that's good or not - or if it's good in the actual spot that I'm hanging it - or if it's too much water for my chi, when I need more wood or more metal - or any of the other details that I would need to know!) But I've decided that I'm going for it, and I'm going to paint a good luck painting. So I decided that the boat coming in to harbor should be OUR boat. (Well, my husband and his buddy's boat. It's called "the broken drum", because you just can't beat it....pause... get it? get it?) And in the boat will be my husband and my boys. (Although recently, I've been wondering if his buddy should be in there too. But it's a small boat, and I'm not sure the picture will look right. I might just put something symbolic of his buddy and his family in it.) And the boat should be coming in with bounty of some sort - so I added a crab trap with crabs. And I'm sitting on the dock, reading a book. Because that's where I'd want to be. And the sun is shining brightly, and the sea is calm, and there are little pink houses in the background. And swans in the foreground - I'm gonna add more - to represent family and friends and constancy and grace and some other quality that I can't name off the top of my head, but it's kinda like loyal and true... ya know? So, yeah. That's painting number 2.

And painting number 3 is something along the lines of this photo, because there have been SO MANY nice days lately, and the sun has been shining goldenly through the trees and the trees are such a beautiful color! So I have something in mind. So... which one should I work on? I don't know, I guess I'll decide tonight!

Peace

It's a beautiful, peaceful morning around here today. The leaves are falling off the trees quite rapidly now. I don't have work because we are still on holiday, so I have all the time in the world to sit and think and dream and read and drink tea. I have plenty that needs to get done, but I'm enjoying my peaceful time so much this morning that I'm going to have just one more cup of tea before I start running around. It seems I never get time to myself for this kind of thing, and I've gotta enjoy it while I can!

I've been trying to think deep thoughts, but something in my mind keeps switching them off. I've been trying to think about my goals; or about human nature, and how I can evolve into a better person; stuff like that. And yet I can't really get firmly into the meditation. I have an inner child chattering too much inside, and interrupting me. That aggravating voice that starts bringing up regrets and disappointments and embarrassments, and I want to drown it out, so I fill my head with other noise. Even when I was driving yesterday, and even when I was doing the dishes, both prime meditation times for me... I still couldn't find that profound place in my head. I think I'm going to have to take some time to schedule myself into a long peaceful silent thought time. Maybe when my husband watches football, I can walk to the park and sit by myself for a while. Maybe I can watch the trees lose their leaves, and whenever a stray thought pops into my head, any thought, I can just say "shush!" until all there is, is the silence and leaves falling.

November Sun

 

Good morning! It's sunny, and brisk, and the beginning of a week off, and so of course I'm pretty happy! I had a nice get together here at my house yesterday with a bunch of my husband's friends from high school, and I have a busy week planned. So many things to try to jam into a few days. And everytime I think about it, I think of more things to add to my list of things to do. So even though I hope to start blogging more again, I think that right now, I've gotta go get started on my stuff. I'll try to post something more interesting tonight if I can think of something interesting to say! :)

Weather related

I've noticed so often how my mood is soooo weather-related. If the sun is shining, all is right with the world. When the clouds scud across the sky, my mind gets cloudy and blah as well. WHY???? This drives me CRAZY!!! And you'd think that by recognizing it, I'd be able to fight it. Well, I can fight it, but I don't always win the fight.

Break from school begins... NOW... Yay! I'm liking the classes I'm teaching better than I did in the beginning, but it's still hard. Teaching is HARD. It seems so easy when you are on the outside looking in. But it's not, not if you really want people to learn. Everyone who reads this (unless you are a teacher) is probably thinking, "yeah, well how hard can it be, you have a week off now!" And sure, I have a week off. But I can tell you that I've got class work to do for at least two or maybe three of my days off, between grading and organizing and getting lesson plans together.

I'm going to try to get back in the groove for blogging. I don't know why it's become less of a habit than it had been. But yeah, I've got big plans for this week, and blogging is one of those plans! And my first step is to clear out all of these papers surrounding my computer. So let me get on to the task at hand... as soon as I have my tea...

What Now? What Next?

I'm about to make a wish.... or maybe not. I can always only wish for one thing, for happiness, and it gets boring after awhile.
I'm teaching now. Yes, I love it and Yes, I hate it. I'm too nice, the kids walk all over me, I know that. I can't be mean, I don't even want to be. I don't want to change who I am; I just want them to learn that learning is a good thing, and I want them to listen to me because they SHOULD and because they will learn something. It hasn't happened that way yet.
And I'm SO TIRED. I have so many things to organize and think about. But actually, I find that they are pretty good when they get to cook, it's only when they have to do other things that they are bad.
Oh... did I mention that I'm the cooking teacher? Which doesn't just mean lesson plans, it also means getting to the market every few days. I'm TIRED!

But first -- as for what's next?
The cooking and teaching isn't going to last long. It's a temporary job. And I have another application out, for a job that would make decent money, but more manufacturing/factory based. Do I really WANT this job? I don't know. I want something stable, though, and this is a stable field - the oil industry. Can I even DO this job? I'm not sure about that either. But I had some whispers from the universe, that maybe, just maybe, it's something that would work for me. The timing would be right. The money would be great. It's a definite maybe. So? We'll see.

My summer of ART AND FLOWERS

Hi all, long time no see!

I know, I know, I haven't written anything in ages. I haven't given up on blogging... although by this point, you may have given up on me! But I guess the explanation is that I've been so busy doing things, I haven't had the time or energy to write about them. But things are starting to settle down, and blogging is still something I like to do, so I'm trying to sit down now and actually write again.

The summer was amazing - I hope yours was too?

The bad thing, of course, was being laid off from a job I loved. But I wasn't "too" sad, because I had the whole summer to look forward to! So I set a bunch of goals for myself... things I'd always wanted to accomplish... and I did them.

I had an amazing garden. Well, not so many flowers, but plenty of veggies. We planted heirloom vegetable seeds, and I've saved seeds for next year. I wasn't sure it would be worth the cost, but I think it was. Even now we're getting string beans. The Zuchini was amazing. I didn't love the tomatoes, I have to try a different variety next year.

In the art side, I painted all summer, and the grand finale was a local art show I participated in last weekend. I even sold a painting!!! I was really excited. It was a skull on a pink background with flowers, a small canvas, and it went for $10. I was happy with that, because my only goal was to be IN the art show, and I didn't expect to sell anything. And no, it wasn't bought by a friend - it was a random passerby.

While I painted, other people wanted to paint as well... my husband has been painting with me. In fact, he's been painting even when I can't now! He loves it too :D and the kids too. Well, not MY kids. Nick likes to do three-dimensional work. Frank likes to play music. But their friends have come over and painted with me. And other friends of mine have joined us too.

I had other goals, as well. I looked for a new job. I had afternoon tea almost every day, sometimes alone, and sometimes with guests for a tea party. I started a book club, which was originally meant to be for the summer only, but everyone is enjoying it so much that I'm gonna keep going. This month, we're reading "The Alchemist" by Paolo Coelho. I always wanted to be in a book club! (If you are local, and want to join, give me a call! The more, the merrier!)

I didn't excercise as much as I should have, but I did manage to survive our week-long hike of the Appalachian Trail, and had a great time doing it - and lost 10 pounds! (Which may have been put back on, I don't know. I need to hike more!)

I survived the House Boat on Smith Mountain Lake. And had a good time at the beach house in Chadwick.

The summer flew by. And now, fall is upon us. I wasn't sure what I'd be doing for a career this year. Turns out that the school I was a secretary at needed a long-term sub in the cooking class, and they offered it to me. It's not as much money as I was making as a secretary - and it's way more work - but it's fun. I'm teaching high school kids, and although I have a lot to learn, I'm gonna get there. Eventually. (I need to toughen up some, that's for sure.) (But without being mean. I need to find that balance.) So I can teach cooking probably until next January... and then? I guess another summer of ART AND FLOWERS!!! lol :D I really thought that by this point in my life, I'd be settled. But I guess that's not my destiny. As long as I've got SOMETHING, I should be fine.

So tonight's a Friday, and I'm having my tea, and looking forward to painting tonight with some of my friends. I'll write more soon... maybe even tomorrow AM!

The Trail

 

I'm back from my Appalachian Trail adventure with the Venture Crew :)
It was... hard to explain
exhausting
challenging
aggravating
amazing
invigorating
beautiful
fun
miserable
wonderful

all at the same time!

I had a lot of time to think and reflect. I want to write it down before I forget it... but first,
it's back to the rest of the real life that I've let go while I've been off playing for the last few weeks.

I'll be back soon
after I get some stuff done
:)

Atlas Shrugged

 

This could be Atlas, with the weight of the world not momentarily resting on his shoulders
It could be Nick putting his dad on a pedastle
It was very, very funny to the folks sitting on their deck watching us pose
It is a very real photo
I really love this picture

Two variations on a theme

Sunset,
two different nights this week
two different places
Relaxing at the beach
and relaxing at home.

I like them both
But home is a little... sharper... isn't it? Meaner?
But it's still home sweet home
and it's actually more peaceful in someways
home is home, after all.

You can't tell by looking at the beach photo
but at my back
are hundreds of thousands of people
vacationing at the Jersey Shore

And you can't tell by looking at the home photo
but the neighborhood is very quiet
and crickets are chirping, and music is playing
and no one is home but me.

This is what I've been working on lately

 

I played with this for a long time before I figured out what I wanted to do with it. I really like the way it came out. I put actual pages of a book down first, and then painted on top of them. The quote is only me, I decided I wanted to just say something from myself, not try to look up something that someone else said. Not what I usually do, but I wanted to play... and I'm getting tired of trying to paint people, lol :)