I am really conscious of the effect text messaging is having on the teens around here, especially now that my own kids have been given the right to text. (We're paying for unlimited texting. Last month, we used 1,743 text messages. That's an ACTUAL NUMBER that I just took off my bill.)
It didn't cost a lot to add unlimited texting. I find it inconvenient to text, it's easier to talk. But I've seen some teens that text as fast as I can type on a full keyboard. We decided to add it because it was very obvious that our kids, as high school students, would be extremely "out of the loop" without the ability to text. Please keep in mind that we aim to be slightly BELOW the middle of the road in the "cool" department. Our kids are more on the geeky side. That's fine. We don't want them to be complete outcasts, on the other hand.
Another aspect of texting: texting during school. It's like passing notes in the old days, but you aren't limited to passing a note to someone in your class. In fact, you can be passing notes to a friend in another school. Or another state. You can be calling your mother and asking her to bring in the homework project you forgot. (My kids probably don't text during school. Of course I've forbidden it, but that's no guarantee with teenagers. I believe they don't simply because they have poor service inside the building.)
Texting is like the gossip grape vine gone wild. Something can be happening, and at that very moment, a teen can (and will) spread a message to every friend and acquaintance in their phone book. That can be a huge number of people; my older son can reach about 75 people, and he's not as overly addicted to his cell phone as some other people are.
Add to this instant communication, the fact that some of the kids who text are overly emotional... very dramatic... prone to exaggeration... possibly even out right liars. (Not all, mind you. But definitely at least some.) Typical teenagers, they aren't always considering the reactions or repercussions to the messages that they spread.
This USA Today article talks about some of the aspects of texting in the school system. Like kids texting rumors of school violence -- whether because they believe it, or because they want to have a day off school... which leads to absenteeism. (Would YOU want your kid to go to school on a day that it was rumored there was going to be significant violence?) Interesting article.
It can be pretty comforting to a parent to know that they have instant access to their child, any time of the day or night, via a cell phone. And with texting, that even extends to inside the classroom. The child is always available.
I don't really think that everyone is realizing all of the repercussions of this instant communication, though.
Any comments? I'd love to hear your perspective.
One more question. I'm taking a poll. Do you believe in reading your child's text messages? Yes or no? And another question, if you do read them... do you read them openly, or do you read them on the sly when your child is not looking? Does your child know you read the texts?
13 comments:
My perspective is the same as urs... texting is cumbersome and i'd prefer to talk rather than type on a 2 inch screen...
Well, too much texting can harm the wrist and the thumb, i know that much. It's been proven too.
My personal opinion would be to allow access to a public phone in the school for emergencies.... and just ban the use of cell phones at such a tender age (atleast in the study place). It is a big distraction that kids can not put off...
I am pretty serious about the 'repurcussions' and i know they are not on the good side.
I agree. My fat fingers make texting slow and cumbersome. A quick call usually can solve the problem ten minutes faster than a bunch of back and forth texting.
Hi Punam... I agree about the distraction as well. You can't listen to your teacher and text your friends at the same time!
Nate... Welcome to my site. You seem to have a lot of good tech information on yours. I'm still trying to get a firm grasp on the new world of communications!!! But I don't think they are really communicating with a goal; the benefit of texting is the secrecy, it seems to me...
I too am a dinosaur when it comes to texting. Neither my teen nor my preteen has a cell phone although the younger one desperately wants one.
Regarding your poll, I'd say it depends on the kid. I've met too many parents who had to check up on your kids to pass judgment on what I'd do if I were worried about my kids. Sometimes safety comes before privacy, I guess.
My kids are good. They don't get in trouble, they do well in school, they are home more than they are out.
But doesn't EVERY mother think her kids are perfect? Do people recognize when they start slipping?
My son, who is seventeen, has a cell phone but no text messaging. Here are the reason we do not want him to have it:
1. Why does he need it, he is does not need for work?
2. Using it in class rather than showing attention to the subject. Also it another thing for the teacher to police
3. The cost why another $xx per month for something we do not need
4. Driving and texting
5. Information on parties and when homes are without parents
6. Why not speak to someone
7. It anti social, we been out with his friends and they have to reply to a text when comes in regardless of if you are talking to them
8. Why does a kid need a $200 iPhone + monthly charges?
There are many more reasons. We now have a problem, one of teachers wants to contact her students by text messaging. He was the only one in his class who did not have it. We talked to head of school and he told us to get up to speed.
I agree with many of your points. I especially agree about the point about it being too expensive for something that isn't really necessary, and it is definitely the first thing I will cut if our finances take a hit.
The whole question of "why does he need it" is a more difficult one to answer than you think, though. Many of the kids around here communicate primarily through face to face communication and text messages. They don't call each other to make appointments or dates with each other or trade homework questions. They text. Do my boys "NEED" to text? No, but they do if they want to fit in. Do they "NEED" to fit in? Not completely. I'm happy that they are slightly too "geeky" for most of the school to be interested in them. But I don't want them to be too far from the range of "normal teenager" in their school.
I sent them to school mainly because I wanted them to learn socialization skills. I could have homeschooled them and they would have learned just as well, if not better. I thought they would miss learning how to interact with their peers, though, and I thought that would effect their future potential. Part of that socialization is, in my opinion, communicating in the method that is used by their peers. So, to me, they did "need" to be able to text.
On the other hand, I am surprised by your school's attitude. I believe that our school system frowns on students and teachers texting each other, although I do not believe they outright forbid it. It is a very informal method of communication, and it seems more appropriate for communicating with friends than with authority figures.
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I think it has come down to us all wanting to have the best for our children. I guess I am upset now because my child was the only one in his classroom who did not have text messaging. I expect I will get it but it has made me think why. It doesn't stop here, now he may want (likely not because he is not way) to have a better phone and we are put on the spot to say "no".
No wonder we are in a credit crises and parents working like crazy to pay for all this stuff. We are all sheep rushing off to large retail stores buying bargains that we do not need. It may be another few more dollars a month to have my son to "fit in" but what message are we sending to the next generation?
It only a few dollars but it is another thing I am suckered into and have to police. I guess I am also upset because I understand why the teacher want to do it but does she need to?
It only a few more dollars but all these dollars add up and have to be paid for. Oh I forgot we can put it on credit, what a mess?
I know, it's especially aggravating being pushed into paying for something that you don't even believe in. I know some of the parents in our area have made the kids pay for their phone plans, which is good because it teaches responsibility, but it's harder if the kid isn't working.
I would suggest to you though that it might be cheaper to get the unlimited text plan, because even though your son might be willing to limit his texts, once the phone will accept texts they will run up much faster than he can even control. You have to pay for texts in as well as out, and some kids might text him frequently even if he tells them he has a limit. Then, the price per text over the limit is phenomenally expensive.
I remember when I was young, we didn't have cell phones, we had no thought of getting a car unless we were lucky, I was glad to get hand-me-down clothes because they were new to me, at least, forget getting hair and nails done. (I think girls today have way more expenses than boys! It's a good thing I don't have a girl!)
We pay for unlimited texting on all our phones and it has allowed me to cut phone expenses as I was able to get a plan with fewer minutes. Plus, I don't have to worry about the kids going over the alloted minutes.
I also spot read my kids text messages on the sly. Sometimes I find stuff that I try to bring up for discussion in casual conversations; however most of the time all items are harmless.
I want to read their texts, but I haven't so far. My older son is 18 now, and his cell is password protected. But he is a good kid and doesn't get into trouble, so my husband feels that we have to respect that.
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The main problem I have with texting is that my daughter's cell phone became an extention of her person. She had to have it on her at all times and would spend her time in constant connection with friends. Texting brought her friends into our home 24-7 and made our daughter slowly slip away from "boring" family time and 'mundane" responsibilities. It was a huge distraction and we have taken it away until she can her some privaledges back. She is going on 13 and will not be getting it back with unlimited use. She will get it as a reward and at times when it is needed for safety and as as a convenient communication tool. We are still working to find a compromise because her socail connection are very important to her at this age.
I do read her texts and she knows i do. i do not read them in front of her but she knows that I can read them at any time. They are really are quite harmless and they really don't say much to eachother except for "hey there","lol" "i'm bored" or "what are doing after school?" etc..
Phones not allowed in middle school so no worries there. It is just the constant distraction. It would take her tree times as long to clean her room, do her homework, etc.. If I was trying to talk with her her phone wold buzz constantly and she would type away while having a conversation with me. Very rude.
She is a good girl and i feel bad she is completely distraught and upset about having her phone taken. But I know it is best for her and until she starts being a participant in this family and keeping up with her responsibilities, she will have to do without.
Hi Anonymous, thanks for commenting.
I've been seeing the same things with my own kids, and it's been getting worse and worse. I think it's a good idea to set limits like you are doing, and to teach your daughter that sometimes a cell phone is not a necessity. I have to think about doing something similar.
I think that maybe there is something like a "cell phone addiction" ... Sometimes it seems like the kids don't know how to function without the cell phone. They don't understand that sometimes it isn't the right time or place to accept their messages.
But I've seen adults with the same problem. Heck, I've been guilty of it myself on occasion, for example when I'm visiting with friends and my boys are home alone. If something bad happens, you want to be right there to answer, and you don't care if you ARE being rude to your host. Usually, though, it isn't really anything very important. Usually, it's a stupid question, like "Can my friend sleep over?" Once, though, I did get a call from my son, saying he'd been in a fender-bender, and he wasn't sure what his next step was. I was glad I had a phone on to talk him through that one!
This is a really huge, thorny issue, isn't it?
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