I sometimes have these vaguely paranoid feelings. Everyone dislikes me, they are laughing at me behind my back, they are talking about me. These feelings are very hormonal, I think. (And about half the time, I think they are accurate. Everyone really is laughing at me. The other half, I figure no one is really interested enough in my problems and what I am doing, because they are too worried about themselves. Both halves are probably correct.)
Sometimes, I am worried about things going on in my life that I don't know how to control. The things I am worried about go around and around in my mind, and I can't think about much else. I tend to be a very boring conversationalist when this is happening.
Sometimes, because of the stress and the paranoid feelings creeping over me, I want to write a ton of stuff here about what I'm worried about -- or what I did -- or didn't do -- to get some feedback from someone who will tell me I'm NOT an idiot, or I'm right to be stressed out, or whatever. And I really enjoy writing on the blog, and I would love to unload a whole lot of stress here on the web. Have I got STORIES for YOU!
BUT... BUT... BUT... I have to keep remembering that here on the internet everything is public record. And I really don't want to write anything that will be inappropriate and linked to my name for ever. Or anything that will let all of YOU people know why I am an idiot, so you can laugh at me too. Or bore you to tears with MY problems, when I know everyone has their own problems.
And I don't want to complain or stress about my kids, because then THEY might read it and stress themselves.
So some days, I have a lot to say, but I can't really post it. But since it's all I can think about, I can't really post anything else, either.
6 comments:
I know what you mean about the internet being an open book.I really do not think anyone laughs at you behind your back.People not being interested in your problems--yes,there will be many of them--but they wont be reading your blog anyways!!
The best part about bloggin is that you can choose to be annonymous if you want to.So if you feel like you can start a 'worry' blog under a pseudonym!!
Take care Sue.
You can also write all your stuff in Word and put it on a disk and distroy it if you want to.
However, everyone I know thinks you are a wonderful and amazing person. They all have the utmost respect for you and especially how you handled things when Frankie was sick. No one was asked these comments came unbidden and were sincere.
Jude
Thank you both ... I'm not trying to gather compliments with this post, mind you, I'm just stressing out and wish I could post it all for you all to read! But I can't so I won't...
At one point I did have a separate blog under a pseudonym, but I deleted it after a little while -- it made me nervous to have it out there, even though it wasn't all that bad, just complaining...
OK
Drinks on me...when and where????
and no your not an idiot and no we're not talking about you and yes we're all just as paranoid sometimes.
I could come up Sunday with the girls if you're around and you could vent away....
You can talk to me - but of course you know that - so to continue with the "behind your back", paranoid theme - it must be me you want to complain about.
Frank
Now Frank, are you a bit paranoid? She has never complained to me about you.
Jude
Post a Comment