Right at this moment, I am having the most intense cravings for all combinations of sugar and fat!
Especially: Cookies -- cake -- fudge -- I'll even go for just the icing off the cinnamon rolls at the mall!!!
No kidding. I took Nicky to the mall the other day, and we got a box of Cinnabons to go. They had a whole tray of little cups of icing, and Nick asked if he could have a cup of the icing to go with them. The guy gave one to us, and he commented to me, "You have no idea how many people come in here and just get the icing to eat." I replied, "You've got to be kidding!" (Even though, you know, I can definitely picture myself doing that.) And then, probably realizing that I was gazing hungrily at the tray of icing cups, he started backpedaling. "Yeah! Well, it's probably good for you... there is cream cheese and butter..." I imagined my arteries hardening and my fat cells swelling as I walked away. And I ate two out of the nine Cinnabons out of the box, which I didn't think was TOO bad.
The fact is, I must have body dismorphic disorder. I think that's what they call it. When you look in the mirror and you can't process what you see. They usually talk about it in relation to people suffering with Anorexia. They see a fat person, even when they are skin and bones. Me, I look in the mirror, and I see a short, pudgy, middle aged woman. But I don't HATE it. When I get on the scale I can't believe the numbers I'm seeing. But I don't see it in the mirror. It's probably there. I probably have body dismorphic disorder in the opposite direction. I am huge, according to the scale, but actually, I look in the mirror and couldn't care less. My thinning hair bothers me more than my thickening butt.
Really, I know I should lose weight. Those numbers on the scale don't lie. Or the numbers on my pants size. (Even though the mirror does seem to lie.) But I am SO NOT motivated to stop eating.
I think about dieting on occasion. The minute I'm full and content, I decide that I'm going to start a diet, effective immediately.
And it lasts until I start craving the sugar again. And at about that point, I start talking back to myself. I get quite fresh. "But I don't WANT to stop eating! Why SHOULD I? I look FINE! Who cares how I look, anyway? I'm perfectly healthy! Besides,who are YOU to say I can't eat this candybar,"
I say to myself. I hate arguing with myself. And then I start daydreaming about cinnamon and brown sugar and butter...
4 comments:
The most important thing is being content with oneself and being healthy.The media bombards us with pictures of women who are in great shape.That kind of pressurises us..But as long as we are happy,fit and healthy--bring on the cookies!
(me-- have an opposite problem I am a fitness maniac!I am addicted to my work outs and my treadmill.To each his own!)
I wish I could become addicted to working out!
I think it is a kind of heredity thing. Your grandmother felt the same way, and she lived to be 93 yrs old. And I feel that way too, however, I also have my Dads genes and he died at 62 with heart problems along with various other ailments. So you have my genes and your Dads (who has diabetes) so maybe to be on the safe side we should both lose 15 to 30 lbs.
Mom
Hey Sue...sometimes trying new foods that you really like will help. I now love grilled vegetables and eat salad more than I did before. But I did eat three cupcakes Saturday. You need a healthy balance. You can not forgo the good stuff and just eat the bad. Some of the good stuff actually tastes good.
dieting will only work if you want to do it but eating a more balanced diet will work any time.
good luck
Beth
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