I've noticed I've had less time for blogging lately. It's less of a challenge than it used to be. Or maybe more of a challenge. I have a hundred thoughts on my mind to explore, but which ones can actually be narrowed down to a post? I wonder if every thought that passes through my mind is really something anyone wants to read, anyway? And besides that, what's the goal? Is it to create? Is it for me? Or is it for an audience? Is it something that could be measured? Does it matter?
My head swirls with thoughts about my purpose in general, not just here in the blogosphere. I see myself as I was as a child, but the world sees me as old. My hair is black and I am short and skinny. My hair is gray and I am short and stout. My hair is dyed, and I hate to be fake. I want to dye it back to black, because that is who I am, but everyone says black looks fake, so I dye it light brown, because somehow everyone else likes that better. If it's gotta be fake anyway, why can't I dye it bright blue, which is the color I would choose?
What is the purpose of a life? To create more lives and continue the species? I've done that, so this biological goal has been accomplished. Does that make my life meaningless now? I heard that the existence of grandmothers is important to the continuation of our species, because grandmothers hold the wisdom in stories to pass down to the next generation, which helps the tribe survive. So if I am to be old, and have a meaning for existence, is it to tell stories? Is that the purpose of my life now?
I write and write, and then I backspace and erase the entire post. Because none of this is interesting or important or entertaining. I can go on and on, and then backspace and post none of it. I do that a lot, because my audience here is not here for that. But then again, am I here for an audience? I don't think so... but the fact is that sometimes, people do read this, people I know. So I am an editor as much as a writer.
Well. Anyway. Time for another cup of tea, and the laundry. My typical day is measured in steps from the computer to the stove to the washer and dryer and back again. Talk to ya later.