No, this isn't the topic of the day because I've done anything PARTICULARLY evil lately.
I've been having many very philosophical conversations with myself. Don't bother reading any further if you're looking for some light entertainment. This may just bore you to tears.
For some reason -- possibly because of the beginning of the new year, maybe because of some negative emotions on my part -- I've been thinking about sin and forgiveness and evil and atonement lately.
I haven't made any New Years resolutions. Just the usual -- try to be a better person this year, try to enjoy life more, etc.,etc.
I turned 44, and for some reason, in many ways, I feel that I am not as nice as I should be. That as time goes by, I get farther away from the purity of a childlike spirit. I would really like to go back to having nothing on my mind more than a child has. Instead, for some reason, the slights and wrongs I have done to people over the course of my life have been lingering in my mind a lot lately. I should have done this, I shouldn't have done that. I have so many regrets, and they stack up as the years go on.
I was thinking about the Christian religion and belief that Jesus has died to forgive my sins. I don't find that particularly comforting. I must not really accept it at face value. Also -- the Catholic idea that you can find forgiveness of your sins by going to confession, confessing your sins to a priest, who will be able to somehow provide God's forgiveness. I know it's a complicated theological doctrine and I don't understand it accurately. I also know people of the Catholic and Christian faiths who believe in this, and feel so much better after confession. I don't have faith in confession, either.
Thinking about it from my own point of view, possibly a practical approach, I was thinking about the fact that you can't change the past. All you can do is try to do better in the future. Maybe the ancient people in these religions figured that the only way for some people to get past the mistakes of their past was to promise them that they were magically forgiven. Then, they could magically get over whatever they had already done that was wrong, as long as they promised to do better going forward.
So I'm looking for something for myself, along the lines of confession, that I can believe in to help me stop looking back with so much regret and instead move forward and hopefully do better in the future.
You could suggest making restitution for the wrongs I have done people. But for the most part, I'm talking about the small stuff. I haven't been guilty of stealing from my neighbor, I'm more guilty of just coveting my neighbor's stuff, that kind of thing.
Any ideas? I'm especially interested in ideas different from the Christian/Catholic ideas that I already understand... Feel free to comment!