I have 7 minutes left until my self imposed deadline to call a friend who I know is mad at me. I know she's mad, and I know why, and I completely understand. But I hate when people are mad at me. It really stresses me out, and it always has.
A while ago I wrote about my oldest memory -- I remember being like three or four, and Gram Rodgers swatted my butt for stepping into the dust she had just swept up after she told me not to. It didn't hurt even a little bit, I was SO UPSET that she would be mad at me! I cried and cried. My feelings were so hurt.
In more recent years, Jan used to make fun of me for apologizing all the time about everything. I would do anything I could do stop conflict, and I would always act in whatever way I could to avoid making someone mad at me. I try to apologize less now. I don't want to dilute it's strength. I want any apology I make to be ... real.
My sister Bunny yells at me all the time for not just letting things go. "Too damn bad!" she would probably say. "If they don't like it, tough!" She talks a good game, but she is pretty sensitive too.
With this specific situation, I know I didn't do anything particularly WRONG. What I did was to make some choices that didn't put my friend's feelings first. I wasn't very sensitive to her needs. Because I had other priorities, and I did what I felt like I had to do, in spite of her being a friend.
So now, I have to call her. It's taken me 8 minutes so far to write this post. It's now a minute past the deadline. I'm stalling just a little bit. But writing helps me put my thoughts in perspective. So maybe I'll know what to say when I call her, if I write it out like this.
What can I say to her? I am sorry she's mad. I don't want her to be. I did what I felt like had to be done. She may disagree with my reasons. She may think I'm making excuses. I'll probably apologize... does it count if you apologize even though you would probably make the same choices if the situation happened again?
She may not even be home (crossing my fingers) and I can just apologize over an answering machine.
OK. It's 6 minutes past deadine. I've gotta go. Wish me luck.
12 comments:
She didn't answer. She's probably too pissed to talk to me. Or she's out. Either way, the answering machine wasn't satisfying. I still feel the weight hanging over my head.
Sue, your friend will understand once her head clears. The things you did or did not do should not make or break your relationship with her. Put yourself in her position, you would probably be upset about the situation also and couldn't talk to her right now anyway. Remember when you are passionate about something most people tend to be more emotional and less rational. Reason will set in soon!
Gem
i'm a big believer in forgiveness. i have to be, because i'm usually the one to mess up.
and pretty much because i'm self centered (i prefer to think of it as focused).
but i'm getting better. i used to be surprised by how unaware i was, but now i'm not surprised hardly at all!
Ah, tricky, this one. Give her some time to cool down and try again. But I think, sometimes you have to be nice to yourself too. If you feel that you are not at fault, then don't feel too bad about it.
OK, first I didn't get a phone call so it can't be me....tee hee..little joke to lighten the mood.
Now...being a BFF, I know you as well as anyone except your husband. I know even if you did something that may have hurt someone else's feelings, that would never be your intent. Whoever is mad will either eventually understand and get over it or they couldn't have been a really good friend to you in the first place.
Sue,
In a lot of ways I'm like you too.But after i have tried (which you have done) if that person has not forgiven, its really not worth it. Life is so short--so fleeting.
There are so many wonderful things to do to make oneself happy.Don't ponder too much over people who cannot see things your way.If they really care they ill come back.
Hugs
Preeti
Thank you all for the positive comments. I'm definitely calmer about it than I was previously, when I wrote the post. The fact is, I know I reacted the way I needed to, for my own reasons, even though I completely understand why she was mad. I still haven't heard from her.
I imagine we'll speak again at some point in the future, I just don't know when, but the situation this was surrounding isn't over, so I know she won't be able to just avoid me forever.
Sue we have a lot in common. I hate people being mad at me exspecially my husband. Whether I do something wrong or not. I do everything in my power to not fight. Even when he does things wrong I just let it slide cause I don't want the conflict but I really hate that he makes such a big deal about when I do something. Alot of times I don't agree that I did anything wrong but I always apologize (which doesn't mean anything anymore) or beg him to not be mad. When we get alone its great but when we fight its always me trying to get the fight to stop and him not wanting to talk to me so instead he starts saying heartful things. I just wish that if he did get mad at me for something that i REALLY did that once I said sorry and was trying to be sweet he would get over it. Why does he have to stay mad for so freakin long??
Peaple Pleaser - my heart really goes out to you. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, no one can be perfect. Sure, sometimes you do things wrong; but sometimes he does, too... that's just human. But from the little bit that you wrote here, I feel like maybe it's more HIM than YOU. I don't really know you or your situation, but I hope that he isn't mad at you ALL the time. Take care of yourself. And be safe...
I can understand I am so much like that. I hate when people get mad at me and it is just getting worse. I have been hurt so much from people family friends, I as well apologise and always try to make peace. I go out of my way to help that maybe people see me not important. I want to become stronger but I don't know how. Hope a good night to all.
Anonymous - keep your head up, you are worth it! Best wishes to you, and thank you for posting!
Anonymous - keep your head up, you are worth it! Best wishes to you, and thank you for posting!
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